Ready, steady, wait

Of all the things that annoy men about women, getting ready for a night out must be up there just behind sudden headaches! And God help you, brother, if it's a swanky do that you are going to! And God help you even more if you're a stickler for punctuality! It doesn't seem to matter what time they start preparations at, because they never are ready on time. This means that you will be invariably be late for whatever you're going to. In addition, she'll probably hijack the rear view mirror for further adjustments en route.

The graph above shows the preparation times for an engagement with a 9pm kick off. The woman will start taking over the bathroom at about 6pm, bathing, preening and applying various lotions and creams. Then her entire wardrobe will have to be searched for the perfect combination of clothes and accessories. You are obliged to say that she looks wonderful in everything and avoid suggesting one particular outfit for fear that it implies another doesn't look good on her (or worse, implies that her arse look big in it)!

While the first few hours of this is going on you are watching TV while dispensing the aforementioned affirmations and under constant nagging to get ready yourself. Eventually, about 8.15, you get your ass in gear and after a quick shower, shave, tussle of the hair and 30 second rummage in the wardrobe, you're ready to go in about 15-30 minutes. This time maybe shortened if you had shaved/showered earlier in the day or lengthened if you have a "you're not wearing THAT, are you?" comment from herself!