Monday, 21 December 2009

Text Maniacs

A couple of recent (and not altogether pleasant!) encounters with members of the opposite sex inspired the above graph, which shows the relationship between the number of text messages a person sends and how crazy s/he is!

At one end of the scale, you have the person who steadfastly refuses to send any texts at all, which is somewhat irrational in itself. However, it pales in comparison with the other extreme, where the incessant texter lurks. This behaviour is marked by the following characteristics:

  • A non-stop stream of texts, many of an inane and/or incomprehensible nature.
  • If a reply to any of their short electronic missives is not sent within 2 minutes, a torrent of texts is unleashed along the lines of "r u ok?" or "wats wrong, hun?". Note to psycho texters: NOTHING IS WRONG - LEAVE ME ALONE FOR GOD'S SAKE, I'M TRYING TO RELAX/WATCH TV/HAVE A LIFE!!!
  • Once you realise you're corresponding with a nutbar and try to withdraw, cue the "psycho cycle of texts". Even after making it clear that you want no further contact, this cycle starts with old chestnuts like "r u ok?" or "how r u?", moves on to the abusive, e.g. "F@@k u, u b@@tard/B@tch" and followed by the begging/pathetic, e.g. "wat av I done?", "can we meet plz?" or perhaps some unintelligible gobbledygook. After a respite of say, 15 minutes (or an hour or two, if you're lucky!), your unhinged text buddy simply restarts the cycle, somehow expecting you to have forgotten the mental behaviour already exhibited (multiple times!).

The moral of the story? Be very careful to whom you give your mobile phone number! Note that even a joke condition like "Promise not to text me more than 200 times a day?" does not work! The best way to deal with this unsettling situation is to ignore the texts in the hope that the message finally sinks in. Do NOT engage the deluded at any cost as this only gives them licence to continue the harassment. In the likely event of ignoring them failing, getting their number blocked or reporting them to the police are unfortunately your only options.

To prevent this situation from arising, it would be a very good idea to buy a disposable mobile phone (or SIM card) and use it to communicate with new amours. This is particularly good advice for those using Internet dating, where spotting psychos in time is much more difficult. That way, in the worst case scenario, you can simply dump the phone and not inconvenience yourself or the more normal people you’re in contact with!


The Romantic said...

Haha, that's really funny. I'm actually one of the few people in the modern world who still hasn't sent a text message. I just hate it as a form of communication. Whenever someone texts me, I just call them back. There should be a spot for people like me on your graph :)

Aidan said...

Thanks for the comment. I'll allow the link since it was on point!

I hate texts too, so that puts us both in the "textaphobe" category on the graph!