Sunday, 1 July 2007

Ex-tremely annoying!

Pseudoscience of love - Ex-tremely annoying!
If there's one thing you shouldn't do in a relationship, it's harp on about your ex-partner. This is particularly true if you tend to bang on about how brilliant s/he was. However, even mentioning him/her in a negative light shows your current squeeze that you are still thinking about your ex-beloved. As the graph above shows, the more the ex-lover is mentioned, the less likely your relationship will work out. After all, you'd hardly want to go out with someone who was in love with someone else, now would you?

No man wants to hear any of the following about his predecessor:

  1. How rich he was
  2. What a nice car he had
  3. What a great career he had
  4. How well built/strong he was
  5. How he could have been a porn star (huge no-no!)
  6. How full his head of hair was
  7. How tall he was
  8. How romantic he was
  9. How good he was in bed
  10. How thoughtful he was
  11. What great holidays he brought you on
  12. What great presents he bought you
  13. How he treated you like a princess
  14. How you used to talk together for hours on end
  15. How he always let you have the TV remote control
And no woman would be pleased to hear any of the following about her predecessor:
  1. How nubile she was
  2. What big boobs she had
  3. How pert her ass looked in anything she wore (huge no-no!)
  4. How she always let you do that to her in bed
  5. How rich her daddy was
  6. How good she looked first thing in the morning
  7. That she didn't need to wear makeup
  8. How young (looking) she was
  9. How beautiful she was
  10. What a great figure she had
  11. How well dressed she always was
  12. How great she looked in a bikini
  13. How much your mother adored her
  14. How much she used to eat without ever gaining weight
  15. How she waited on you hand and foot

So, to maximise the chances of success in your current relationship, it's best to keep it zipped about your previous amour. There is one exception to this rule - you want to engineer a sympathy inducing dumping. In this case, feel free to sprinkle your conversations with copious glowing references to your ex-. If that doesn't induce relationship ending arguments, it's hard to see what will!

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