Hair today, gone tomorrow

If there's one thing that men find hard to cope with, it's turning into a slaphead. As the graph above shows, his anxiety increases as coverage on top decreases. Let's face it, unless you've a noggin like Jean-Luc Picard*, baldness is not going to suit you. Worse again, it can be perceived as a lack of virility or youthfulness. Since every guy's coverage decreases to some extent as he gets older, this anxiety affects every guy sooner or later. If it's not the classic male pattern baldness (monk's ring and rapid receding of forehead, destined to eventually meet!), it's the gradual heightening of the forehead and slow thinning of the mane.

While you can have some sympathy for guys losing their thatch early in life, if you make it to 50 before things get bad, you've had a pretty good innings! However bad it is for guys though, hair loss for the small minority of women that suffer from it must be insufferable. At least guys have many "cue ball comrades" and it is socially acceptable for them to be follicularly challenged.

Unfortunately, the snake oil on the Internet, the expensive drug regimens and the arse hair transplants don't really work that well, so you may as well just save your cash and accept it, I'm afraid. If you're a man, for God's sake don't:

• have a wispy, isolated island on your forehead. Shave it off.
• use a comb over. That fools no one and just makes you look silly/sad.
• wear a rug. Even if you spend a lot of money, they do not look good (Elton John anyone?!). You may as well plonk a bush on your head.
• wear a hat constantly regardless of temperature, location or occasion (e.g. The Edge!).
  

Instead, you should wear your shiny dome with pride. You can console yourself that your lack of cranial insulation really is due to an excess of testosterone!

*Captain of the Starship Enterprise in Star Trek: The Next Generation, played by Patrick Stewart.