Favourite places - women

Unsurprisingly, on the whole, women tend to like different places to men. The graph above shows the places where women like to hang out. The constituent factors associated with these locations are also displayed. A lot of gals splash out on expensive gym membership to get that bod into shape, sometimes with a buddy for motivational reasons. In a lot of cases, any old gym won't do - it has to be exclusive in some way, either in terms of clientele or gender (or both). After all, have be seen in the right place as well as get buns of steel!

The beach is also favoured by ladies, although for slightly different reasons. Where else can she so effectively show off that toned physique while getting it bronzed? She can grab a couple of loungers with friends and spend the day pretending to be upset at all the male ogling, in between frolicking in the ocean and playing beach volleyball in her g-string!

Next favourite place is the beauty salon, where she can be peeled, wrapped, exfoliated, manicured, pedicured, colonically irrigated and waxed to an inch of her life (and they are only the ones I've heard about!). Following that is the specialist centre for the coiff - the hairdressers. Some women go on a weekly basis, despite the fact that they are hideously overcharged for the privilege. Still, anything to look good, eh?

Of course, the winner had to be the shops - where most women would spent their all their waking hours if possible. Ideally visited with a friend (so that they can assure each other that they look absolutely fabulous in everything), these money pits act like the flame to a moth. Where else is she going to find that killer outfit to go with her new lipstick or add to her collection of 300 pairs of shoes?!

And guys, don't think that all this preening is for your benefit, because it isn't. It's for the ultra-competitive world of bitchy females!

Favourite places - men

This chart shows some of a man's favourite places and the components that make it so enjoyable for him. It does differ from the woman's list somewhat! First up is the restaurant where a man can eat his his favourite meal ('other' on chart above) while ogling at the waitresses. Best enjoyed with a couple of mates and washed down with beer. Next up is the sports arena where he can support his favourite team ('other' on chart above). Not many chicks to ogle at, but he can usually drink beer with his mates either before or during the game. Americans have an advantage here because they have cheerleaders!

The first of the big 3 is the trusty bar, where a man can hang out with his mates, drink beer and ogle at chicks. You can even watch sports on the big TVs ('other' on chart above). Does it get any better than this? Yes it does, because you have the strip club where he can do all of the above (except watch sports on TV), but the women are (almost) naked!

Besting even the strip club is the humble beach. Much the same as above, but the beer is much cheaper, there's no cover charge and a man can get a tan! You can even go for a swim or play games ('other' in chart above) between ogle sessions. Downsides are melanomas and the chicks aren't as slutty, although this does depend on the beach!

Internet descriptions - male

Compared to women, men on the Internet can lie about just about everything. Nothing is sacred - their height, weight, age, looks, hair situation, marital status, complexion, build, financial status, occupation and just about any other trait you can think of. Everything is fluid and can be adapted to woo a particular Internet prey.

As the diagram above shows, it really is caveat emptor* for ladies on-line! Of course there are genuine and/or attractive blokes in cyberspace, but it's hard to find them, outnumbered as they are by the cowboys, chancers, perverts and married guys looking for "fun"!

Some people on the net are lucky that they aren't arrested for fraud! I don't know if the short, bald, fat, old guy thinks the woman won't notice when they finally meet that he isn't young, tall, dark and handsome as claimed. I guess there are insecurities there and the forlorn hope is that she might overlook the "little" lie and see the real man within.

Corny as it sounds, I think that honest really is the best policy on-line. What kind of relationship starts off with a lie? One that's trying to get someone into bed, perhaps! If it's a longer term arrangement that you're after, it's best to use a recent picture and a realistic self appraisal and let the chips fall where they may. After all, you do ultimately want a person to like you for the real you, not an idealised, fictitious version of you.

*Buyer beware!

Internet descriptions - female

Further to the post on Internet dating, unfortunately one really must take profiles on Internet dating sites, chat rooms, social networking sites, instant messaging systems and the like with a large pinch of salt. For men, this means adding about a stone (14 pounds or 6.4kgs) to a woman's claimed weight and usually downgrading their claimed appearance by about one notch. This leads to a lot of disappointment when meeting women off the Internet. Men tend to be shallow, visual creatures, after all.

This is displayed in the mapping diagram above. On the left hand side, the body mappings are shown. Let's face it - a lot of women tell porkies about their weight. Sure, there are gym buffed and honest ladies in cyberspace, but a lot of women seem to be misleading about their actual body type.

The right hand side of the diagram above shows the appearance mappings. Again, this tends to be exaggerated somewhat on profiles, so it's best to be sceptical. Again, occasionally you do see bona fide hot chicks on profiles, but by and large you'd have to question why they need to use the Internet at all. The answer, you'll find in most cases, is to lure you to their web site where they are waiting for you (or more specifically, your credit card!).

If they are over about 35, you might as well add about 5 years on to their purported ages for good measure! I've seen some very suspect "35" year old female profiles in my time, I can tell you! Or maybe I'm just ageing extremely well!

Whether it's self-delusion or deliberate obfuscation, it's never nice to be sold a bum steer! But however bad women may be on the honesty front, they pale in comparison to their male counterparts!

Out of sight, out of mind

Following on from the post on long distance romances, another well known problem with parted couples is the wandering eye. Granted, this is a more of an issue with the male of the species. Indeed, some guys probably jump into Internet chat rooms looking for "fun" when their other half nips down to the shop!

The graph above shows this phenomenon for both males and females. As the distance between the couple increases, the likelihood of one (or both!) of the partners "playing away from home" follows suit. A lot of men separated from their women by a large distance would be at least tempted to avail of an available opportunity. Before you gals get on your high horse, you are not entirely without sin in this regard either. Just watch the film "Up in the Air"* for proof of this!

This is why you should never agree to your partner going on a sun holiday with the girls/lads!


*George Clooney stars in it and it's a good movie, so it shouldn't be too onerous to watch it!