Internet dating - avoiding a pig in a poke

As mentioned in the original post on Internet dating, chatting away to a potential date on the web can result in extreme disappointment. After prolonged bouts of exciting flirting, hours of playful banter and many deep and meaningful conversations, the real life meeting eventually occurs. This can burst the romantic bubble as you didn't get what you were expecting, s/he wasn't as advertised or the real life sparks simply didn't fly.

As the graph above shows, the probability of disappointment is dependent on how familiar you were with how the person really looks before you met. This is particular true for men, the more visual of the species. If you have relied solely on the tapping of the keyboard for the virtual romance, the first real date is Russian Roulette, my friend! Marginally better is the old picture, which may have been taken many dinners ago.

Even a recent picture can be misleading, especially in the age of photo editing. Therefore, if possible you're best advised to see your cyber-date on web cam before committing to a real life romantic encounter. If you manage to see the object of your virtual affection in his/her birthday suit on cam and you're still disappointed on meeting, you've only yourself to blame!

Films (movies) men and women like

The kind of films liked by men are markedly different to those liked by women. As the picture above illustrates, guys tend to like Arnold Schwarzenegger type movies with blood and guts, explosions, guns, gadgets and the like. On the other hand, women tend towards romance flicks and Jane Austen type costume dramas (whatever they are about!).

This leads to all sorts of problems when going to the cinema on a date or deciding on a DVD to watch. He wants the action blockbuster, while she wants the flowery love story. Many a man has had to sit through an agonising 2 hours of pure pap just to further his chances with his damsel!

Internet dating - enthuasism

OK, you're disillusioned with (or too busy for) traditional dating, so what do you do? Nowadays, you hit the Internet. Once you get over the fact that you're not a saddo for using it, you take to it with gusto. All these potential partners available from the comfort of your own home is amazing in the beginning. After a few weeks, you're flying and arranging dates left, right and centre.

However, it doesn't take long to realise that Internet dating is even worse than traditional pub/club dating. You never thought there could be so many perverts/married people/psychopaths/pathological liars concentrated in the one place. At least in the pub, they are in the minority! Then there's the complete lack of chemistry with the decent folk you meet online.

Therefore, you tend to get sick of Internet dating relatively quickly. It usually takes the order of several months as opposed to years for traditional dating.

Traditional dating - enthuasism

When you're let loose on the world in your late teens, you start off somewhat overawed and unsure with the pub/club scene. After a few months, you get into the swing of things and it all seems so exciting. You're fleeing the nest, spreading your wings and enjoying your new found independence. Nights out with the lads/girls are the highlight of your week and hopefully there's even fairly steady action.

Unfortunately, these halcyon days don't last forever. If you don't meet your dream partner within a few years, your friends certainly will. All of a sudden, there's no one to go with, and even if you did, the never ending trawl through the drunk, vacuous and the self absorbed for the special someone starts to lose its lustre. Thus, nights out start to get more desperate and depressing and you start looking for an alternative way to meet people. Unfortunately, nowadays, that means the Internet.

Move in mysterious ways

If there is one thing I've noticed during my long and unsuccessful career as a womaniser, it's that being an open book is very bad for business! Women seem to like a bit of intrigue, a splash of mystery, a smidgen of uncertainty. The does he/doesn't he, is he/isn't he element seems to psychologically keep them on the toes and add an aura of desirability around you. To be fair, it can also drive a man nuts when the woman he is pursuing is clouded in suspense.

It's vital to keep something in the locker until the object of your affection has developed some feelings for you. Becoming boring and predictable only works after that point!! As the graph above shows, the tighter you keep your cards to your chest and the more enigmatic you are, the more success you will have with the opposite sex. This may well help explain why James Bond is such a big hit with the ladies!

When to meet your Internet amour

Following on from a much earlier post on Internet dating, the above graph shows the optimum time for meeting someone off the Internet. While there is no hard and fast rule and it depends on the frequency and intensity of contact, it is generally a bad idea to meet someone too quickly. Women need to be extra careful in this regard from a security perspective, given the high number of weirdoes online. Equally importantly for men, it's best to time the time to establish via photographic evidence that she's a possible, due to the large number of mingers* on-line!!!

For reasons already outlined in the referenced post above, leaving it too long is also bad, as your expectations tend to lose the run of themselves! In extreme cases, a man may leave it so long that he even enters the dreaded friend zone. This is quite an achievement with a woman he hasn't even met!

So, when to take the plunge? It's generally the man that makes the move (although not as much as in "real life") and it's important to time it well. Too soon and you could give off the impression that you're a player or over anxious, which is never good with the opposite sex. Too long and they might think you're not interested. As shown in the graph above, the best time to "pounce" lies in the week to month range, depending on frequency of contact. The point to remember is don't force it. Wait until you get a sense of his/her personality (yes, guys, it does matter!) and it feels right to broach the subject of hooking up for a real date. If the opportunity doesn't arise in the first few weeks, try to subtlety guide the correspondence in that direction. If s/he doesn't bite, it might be best to move on as there are plenty of cyber-fish on the Internet!

*A minger is UK slang for someone not particularly blessed in the looks department!

Take care to be careless

Closely relating to the relaxation post, the graph above shows that the more you care about the other party, the less dating success you will have. This is particularly true for guys, but I believe it works both ways. There's something about a challenge that seems to get people's juices flowing.

When the pursuer or pursued seems to be keen this is often perceived as being a bit of a turn off. I suppose every good hunter enjoys the thrill of the chase before landing his or her prey! The prey also seems to enjoy outfoxing the hunter, throwing down multiple obstacles as challenges before deciding to be allowed to be caught or not.

While it's obviously very difficult to do with someone you are very attracted to, the best strategy with a potential new suitor/romantic target is to turn the nonchalance up to 11 and proceed from there!