Spanking the simian

This is the graphical version of the "95% of guys masturbate; the other 5% are liars" joke! Call it what you will (and there must be hundreds of phrases for it in English related to poultry, mammals, monsters, religious ranks, dance moves and musical instruments among others!), it must be the most popular/regular pastime for

• The single male
• The male whose partner is unavailable for more than 5 minutes
• The plain insatiable!

Eunuchs aside, I'm sure there are a few male beings existing on a higher plane who don't partake in this enjoyable endeavour (e.g. the pope, dalai lama etc), but their number are insignificant among the 3 billion odd males on the planet. And boy, are they missing out!!!

It just goes to show that the old wives' tale is a lot of nonsense, otherwise all us blokes would be like Stevie Wonder (except without the unbelievable musical talent!).

Apologies for the gender bias, but I'm not aware of any similar joke statistics for the ladies! I don't think the girls are quite as enthusiastic in this department as us testosterone overloaded males, but I am open to correction. They reckon they don't fart either, so maybe they are just more discreet!