Vroom, vroom!

It is often said that a man with a big or expensive car is compensating for a deficiency in the trouser department. Conversely, a man swanning around in a lawnmower engined matchbox is thought to be very secure in his masculinity. The diagram above is the graphical representation of these myths/facts. The bigger the motor, the smaller the todger - the classic inverse proportional relationship.

This is somewhat contradictory to the notion of a so-called "fanny magnet" - a large or expensive car that can be used to attract the shallower type of woman. This type of car is commonly parked prominently outside a club or other social event, preferably when there is the maximum possible number of people watching. A recent trip to the casino square in Monte Carlo has led me to believe that it has been perfected as an art form there! Another trick with a fancy motor that some sad blokes have been known to use is the "party drive by". Here, the muppet drives up and down a street outside a party, asking several women from behind the wheel where the party is. Once enough "possibles" know he's got a flash car, he finally parks and tries to make hay at the party. The pleasing irony about this, I guess, is that most of the women think "weener" when they see the dufus!

My cars have increased in size gradually as I get older. I think this is pretty typical for most guys. Does this mean junior shrinks with age? Any urologist reading, please allay our concerns! Maybe I should trade my average sized car in for a Smart car!