Monday, 7 May 2007

You're such a nice guy....

...want to be my new friend/brother? Hands up who's heard this 100 times or more. If you have, you're a nice guy and generally you get nowhere with women! Sure, you get on well with women you meet, but somehow they always befriend you, meanwhile dating a selection of asswipes. They even have the temerity to cry on your shoulder about these guys. This usually involves the line "oh why, sob, can't I meet a nice guy?" while you silently scream "I'm here, I'm here"! The ultimate bummer, eh guys?

The graph above is the graphical representation of the old maxim that nice guys get nowhere with women. It's an exponential decrease, so your chances really plummet the nicer you are. If the scenario outlined in the paragraph above describes you, then you're in section c of the graph and it's terminal, I'm afraid. You always get into the "friend zone" and rarely manage to get into the erogenous zones!!!! Barring some sort of psychological transformation, you will be forever doomed to roam the planet until you eventually find that one woman with a modicum of sense!

The asswipes/bad boys inhabit section a of the graph, marked by a very high success rate with women. Guys like this probably have to beat women off with a stick. Any time they go out, they can effortlessly procure a woman. Despite all they say about wanting to meet a nice guy, nice guys are, err, too nice (read "boring"). You could easily replace "success" on the vertical axis above with "excitement" and have the same curve. Let's face it, bad boys are far more exciting than nice guys. Women like to be kept on their toes, kept guessing: "will he? Won't he? Does he? Doesn't he?" and so on. Probably the worst thing a wannabe Don Juan can be is reliable and predictable, both inherent characteristics of the nice guy!

From a woman's perspective, you'd probably want to stick with guys who fit into section b of the graph above. This type of guy is the best balance between the arrogant bad boy on the one hand and the wussy nice guy on the other!


Aidan said...

My friend Martha has pointed out that some 'nice guys' lack depth and are in fact insufferably boring. Even worse, what initially started out seeming 'nice' turned out to be sanctimonious. Not a nice combination, I think you'll agree!

However, I think that no matter how funny, deep or entertaining he is, the 'nice guy' struggles to make a good impression with the fairer sex.

Mrs Relatively-Newly-Wed said...

Hmmm... I reckon my husband is a pretty nice guy, so by your logic he should have had no chance at all with me! Or am I that rare creature, a 'woman with a modicum of sense'? Or (disturbing thought) am I really female at all??? Or (even more disturbing) is he just biding his time to reveal his hidden un-niceness at an opportune moment?

Aidan said...

Thanks for the post! Obviously, you're one of those special women!

Nice guys do eventually (eventually being the operative word!) end up with women. It's just that it is usually by a much longer and torturous route!

I can't comment definitively on your femininity without a "Crocodile Dundee" test! However, if you're not from Thailand and your relatively new hubby hasn't complained yet, I think you're probably a real female!!

A man's behaviour generally gets worse with time in a relationship (I plan to post on this in due course), but if he hasn't produced an axe thus far, you've probably nabbed one of the good 'uns. Feel free to pat yourself smugly on the back!!!

Aidan said...

Brid has pointed out a glaring oversight on my part - the plight of the female equivalent of the "nice guy".

In her (considerable) experience, "nice girl" = "sound", which translates to "lovely, great to talk to, could say anything to but not very attractive/pretty"!

In addition, "sound" doesn't apply if the woman is pretty/attractive so clearly, being "sound" is not much of a compliment!

"Sound out" is apparently worse. In this case, personality is making up for ugliness!

Thanks for that!

Richard S said...

Sadly, it probably just means that apart from not being exciting, you are simply not very attractive physically (and cannot make up the deficiency by being wealthy). The 'nice guy' line is really just a kind way of rejecting someone they don't fancy: it has no necessary actual correlation with 'niceness'.

Aidan said...

Thanks for the comment, Richard. I'm talking here about women who befriend you even though they don't fancy you because you're a "nice guy". This can give false hope to men, who might still they have a chance as she's hanging around (something they wouldn't do unless they were interested!). I'd almost prefer the women who don't fancy you and don't like your personality either!